Dear Wounded Healer,
People who come to you for help after suffering abuse or shaming need validation. They need to know you hear their feelings and respect them. Otherwise, their wounds will fester.
Many of them blame themselves so excessively that they need your help to rewrite their narrative, uncovering the injustice they suffered and converting inappropriate guilt to just anger.
Many already blame others and tell a victim narrative that keeps them clear of guilt. But they pay a dear price for that narrative because it presumes their helplessness. They need you to gently point out that they have choices.
Since you want to empower them, dualistic narratives tempt you: good guys versus bad guys, Luke Skywalker versus Darth Vader. But reality is more complex than that.
Dualism tempts you because it expresses the myth you want to claim for your life: a good guy, innocent, who always heals and never does damage. But you have made mistakes. You have done damage.
As you confess to God, you receive a new mind, a kinder orientation. When you make amends as best you can to those you have hurt, you participate in God’s great peacemaking project.
Carry that energy to those you serve. Use your culpability for care. Dualistic stories preclude forgiveness. You can only forgive if you know your own capacity to do damage. You can only lead others toward forgiveness when you can have compassion for their enemies.
To love the enemies without, first love the enemy within. To love those for whom you care, love their enemies too. The gift you deliver will come from a hand greater and more generous than your own.
Blessings & Peace,
Your Inner Voice of Love
Posts in the Wounded Healers Blog are messages of gentle encouragement I give to myself and offer to you as messages you may adopt for yourself. For further context, visit the home page.